It is 2am and you are still awake. Your chest feels tight, your mind won’t switch off, and rest feels out of reach. This is more than tiredness; it is exhaustion. Exhaustion creeps in quietly. It disconnects us from ourselves, numbs our emotions, and makes it harder to be present in our relationships.

The dishwasher wasn’t loaded. You’ve run out of milk, again. You’re seething. But deep down, you know it’s not really about the dishes. Or the milk. Or the bins. Yet you’re still seething. These arguments often carry much bigger meaning. “You didn’t load the dishwasher” can feel like “you don’t value me.” Forgetting the milk can feel like “I am not important to you.” When conflicts about the “little things” repeat, they build frustration and distance. Over time, they chip away at connection and intimacy. But these arguments can also be opportunities. They can highlight what really matters: the need for recognition, respect, and care.

You were upset. You waited for your partner to notice. They didn’t, again. You’re obviously not OK, and they aren’t responding. You’re left feeling infuriated and invisible. You just want them to reach out. The longing turns into disappointment. The silence grows heavier. What started as hope becomes anger, loneliness, even doubt about whether you are truly compatible. Silent expectations can quietly erode trust and intimacy, creating distance where closeness once lived. Here I explore why these unspoken needs can be so painful, and how moving towards more honest conversation is hard, and can help couples find their way back to connection.

You might feel it as a tight chest before a big meeting, nights when your mind refuses to switch off, or the constant hum of unease in the background. Stress shows up in many ways. We often push it aside or wear it like a badge of honour, proof that we are working hard and coping. But beneath the surface, stress takes its toll on our bodies, our sleep, our relationships, and our sense of self.

Have you noticed that you and your partner haven’t reflected or argued for a while? Has there been an underlying silent tension that is becoming harder to ignore? It is often assumed that a relationship with no arguments is a happy one. However, silent arguments can be more damaging than loud ones. Not arguing with your partner when there are unresolved issues can highlight an unhealthy relationship with conflict, where one or both individuals in the couple associate arguing with a lack of safety. If this sounds like you, you aren’t alone. Here, I share some tips on how to break out of this cycle, to discuss underlying tensions in a healthy way, and to help you explore the underlying reasons why conflict may be challenging for you.

Do you notice a constant hum of tension in the background of your day? Perhaps it shows up as a knot in your stomach before an important call, a tightness in your chest when you think about the week ahead, or a restless mind that will not switch off at night. It is tempting to push these feelings away, to keep going and hope they fade. But often, the more we avoid them, the stronger they become. Avoidance can make anxiety grow; paradoxically, meeting it with curiosity can help you feel calmer and more in control. I share gentle, practical steps you can use straight away, along with how therapy can help you explore and untangle the deeper patterns keeping anxiety in place.

“Why is it always me who brings things up?” If you’ve ever asked yourself that, you’re not alone. Perhaps you’re the one who always raises the uncomfortable truths in your relationship. Perhaps you always initiate the check-ins, ask the hard questions, and try to repair the distance. But over time, this can feel less like emotional care and more like emotional burden. In my work with couples, I often hear this from clients who are seemingly stuck in a cycle of pursuing one another and then withdrawing. One partner feels like the emotional manager, while the other disappears into silence, distraction, or defence.

You’re used to keeping it together. You’re used to telling yourself and everyone else that you are OK. But lately, “I’m fine” feels more like you are wearing a mask than telling the truth. Maybe you’ve stopped bringing things up to your partner or your friends because it never seems to help. Perhaps you're worried that asking for more will make you seem needy, dramatic, or too much. And yet the silence is starting to feel heavier, and you are feeling more strained. Many of us learn to minimise our emotional needs at a cost to personal relationships. Drawing from Transactional Analysis and clinical experience, I look at how these patterns show up in long-term partnerships, and what needs to change if we want real connection.

Do you have concerns that you are falling into a cycle of despair? Does it feel harder to hold onto hope than it once did, and see a way forward? This article examines how to recognise hope and despair in relationships, both with others and within yourself, and explores the conditions needed to create emotional safety and foster hope. It also explores the role individual and couples therapy can play to support you in regaining a sense of hope when it has been lost.

Are you unsure if your relationship is changing for the better, or for the worse? Is that closeness you once felt with your partner no longer there? Relationship changes happen and patterns shift but how do you know when it is natural or if it highlights a deeper issue? Learn more about relationship changes, how to identify concerns and emotional harm, as well as how to grow and strengthen intimacy with your partner.

Have you noticed your desire for everything to be perfect? Do you have pangs of anxiety when life gets hard? Have you historically not been given affection or love from caregivers unless you did well academically or in other areas? Here, we will look at perfectionism, particularly in gay couples, and how this need to be perfect can cause distance with others and yourself.

Are you worried about having a difficult conversation with your partner? Do you have concerns you won’t be able to voice your emotional needs correctly? Have you had bad experiences with expressing your emotional needs clearly? Learn more about how to approach difficult conversations, techniques for how to have tough talks, and how to respond to defensiveness.

Do you worry that you are too needy in your relationship? Do you get blamed for being needy? Or fear expressing what you really want? Learn more about needs, what can bring you closer and what can drive you apart.

Are you and your partner growing apart? Do you want to rebuild the connection but don’t know where to start or how? Emotional distance can be a sign that something needs to evolve.

Do you get the feeling that your partner is lying? Arguing over the definition of a lie? Or are you lying about something and don’t want to admit it?

Have you been ghosted after a first date? Or even before the date? Ghosting is a silent ending that can leave you feeling disheartened, anxious or angry.

Do your relationships sometimes feel like they’re running on autopilot, with the same tensions, and the same outcomes, over and over? You’re not alone.

Here, I explore the role of Scripts in Transactional Analysis therapy, how they relate to relationship counselling, communication and how they shape our lives.

Explore the role of transactions and communication styles in Transactional Analysis therapy and how understanding them can improve couples therapy outcomes.

Explore how Transactional Analysis can help enhance couples therapy, by identifying and working with the three ego state model: Parent, Adult and Child.