“Why is it always me who brings things up?” If you’ve ever asked yourself that, you’re not alone. Perhaps you’re the one who always raises the uncomfortable truths in your relationship. Perhaps you always initiate the check-ins, ask the hard questions, and try to repair the distance. But over time, this can feel less like emotional care and more like emotional burden. In my work with couples, I often hear this from clients who are seemingly stuck in a cycle of pursuing one another and then withdrawing. One partner feels like the emotional manager, while the other disappears into silence, distraction, or defence.

You’re used to keeping it together. You’re used to telling yourself and everyone else that you are OK. But lately, “I’m fine” feels more like you are wearing a mask than telling the truth. Maybe you’ve stopped bringing things up to your partner or your friends because it never seems to help. Perhaps you're worried that asking for more will make you seem needy, dramatic, or too much. And yet the silence is starting to feel heavier, and you are feeling more strained. Many of us learn to minimise our emotional needs at a cost to personal relationships. Drawing from Transactional Analysis and clinical experience, I look at how these patterns show up in long-term partnerships, and what needs to change if we want real connection.

Do you have concerns that you are falling into a cycle of despair? Does it feel harder to hold onto hope than it once did, and see a way forward? This article examines how to recognise hope and despair in relationships, both with others and within yourself, and explores the conditions needed to create emotional safety and foster hope. It also explores the role individual and couples therapy can play to support you in regaining a sense of hope when it has been lost.

Are you unsure if your relationship is changing for the better, or for the worse? Is that closeness you once felt with your partner no longer there? Relationship changes happen and patterns shift but how do you know when it is natural or if it highlights a deeper issue? Learn more about relationship changes, how to identify concerns and emotional harm, as well as how to grow and strengthen intimacy with your partner.

Have you noticed your desire for everything to be perfect? Do you have pangs of anxiety when life gets hard? Have you historically not been given affection or love from caregivers unless you did well academically or in other areas? Here, we will look at perfectionism, particularly in gay couples, and how this need to be perfect can cause distance with others and yourself.

Are you worried about having a difficult conversation with your partner? Do you have concerns you won’t be able to voice your emotional needs correctly? Have you had bad experiences with expressing your emotional needs clearly? Learn more about how to approach difficult conversations, techniques for how to have tough talks, and how to respond to defensiveness.

Do you worry that you are too needy in your relationship? Do you get blamed for being needy? Or fear expressing what you really want? Learn more about needs, what can bring you closer and what can drive you apart.

Are you and your partner growing apart? Do you want to rebuild the connection but don’t know where to start or how? Emotional distance can be a sign that something needs to evolve.

Do you get the feeling that your partner is lying? Arguing over the definition of a lie? Or are you lying about something and don’t want to admit it?

Have you been ghosted after a first date? Or even before the date? Ghosting is a silent ending that can leave you feeling disheartened, anxious or angry.

Do your relationships sometimes feel like they’re running on autopilot, with the same tensions, and the same outcomes, over and over? You’re not alone.

Here, I explore the role of Scripts in Transactional Analysis therapy, how they relate to relationship counselling, communication and how they shape our lives.

Explore the role of transactions and communication styles in Transactional Analysis therapy and how understanding them can improve couples therapy outcomes.

Explore how Transactional Analysis can help enhance couples therapy, by identifying and working with the three ego state model: Parent, Adult and Child.

Learn how the Compassion Triangle can build understanding in relationships and how couples therapy can enhance this relationship tool with internal work.

Explore how the Drama Triangle can impact relationships, and how relationship counselling can help couples break the cycle to achieve better relational health.

Curious about what to expect in couples and relationship therapy? Find out more about the process, what you may experience, and how it can strengthen your relationship.

Finding a therapist: where to start looking for a therapist and finding the right therapeutic relationship