LGBTQ+ Resources

Resources for gay and queer men

Below are a few recommended books which many have found helpful in exploring identity, connection, and emotional wellbeing. Each offers a different lens on the experiences of gay men, touching on themes of shame, sexuality and authenticity.

The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs

An exploration of how secrecy, rejection and internalised shame often shape the early experiences of gay men and how these patterns can continue into adulthood as perfectionism, over-achievement and disconnection. The Velvet Rage offers both insight and practical tools for moving beyond these cycles, towards a life grounded in authenticity, self acceptance and deeper connection with others.

Straight Jacket by Matthew Todd

Written from a UK perspective, Straight Jacket looks at the emotional impact of growing up gay in a society that still homophobic. The author explores how shame, addiction and aspects of gay culture can reinforce self-destructive behaviours, while also pointing to the power of compassion, community and honest reflection as paths to healing.

Tell Me What You Want by Justin Lehmiller

A very thoroughly researched and refreshingly open exploration of sexual desire, based on one of the largest studies of sexual fantasies ever conducted. The author is a social psychologist and sex researcher; he offers a non-judgemental look at the diversity of human desire, sexuality and gender. Tell me what you want encourages curiosity, open dialogue and a deeper understanding of one’s own sexuality, helping to challenge shame and foster sexual confidence. There is a podcast by the author you can find here.

Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives by Walt Odets

An exploration of the psychological and emotional lives of gay men, particularly those who came of age in the wake of the AIDS crisis.  Odets, a psychologist and psychotherapist, looks at the gay experience with a particular focus on early experiences, building on the work of the develomental psychchologist Eric Ericson, who developed the psychosocial developmental model in the 1950s known as the Stages of Development. Out of the Shadows explores how early experiences of isolation, both within families and wider society, shape how many gay men experience the world in adulthood.