Finding a Therapist: Where to Begin and What to Look For

You Don’t Need to Start with All the Answers

Many delay starting therapy because they believe they should be clearer about what is wrong before reaching out; they worry about wasting time, getting it wrong, saying the wrong thing, or not having a “good enough” reason to start. Therapy often helps you discover the questions you want to address, rather than having to start with an understanding of what’s not working in your life and why. It’s the therapist's job to help you figure this out.

The Relationship Matters

Find a therapist whom you trust and can imagine building trust with over time. This is more important than specific training or experience. Much of the healing and growth in therapy is due to the therapeutic fit between client and therapist, and most therapists work with a broad range of issues.

Of course, the skills, experience, and training of the therapist matter too. If there is something specific you want to work on, let the therapist know, and discuss if they can provide what you need. It’s a therapist’s job to evaluate if they have the right skills and training to help a client.

Trust Your Instincts and “Vibe Check”

It’s normal to feel nervous, but persistent discomfort, confusion, or feeling judged are worth paying attention to. The first few sessions are not a test you have to pass. They are a chance to notice how it feels to sit with this person. Do you feel heard? Do you feel rushed? Do you feel judged or subtly managed? Do you feel able to say “I’m not sure” without needing to apologise? Think of the early points of contact and the first sessions as a gentle “vibe check”. You are allowed to notice discomfort, uncertainty, or ease. All of that information matters.

Practicalities: Where to Start Looking and Which Directories to Use

Use a professional directory such as BACP and UKCP (these are the two main professional bodies in the UK). Being listed does not guarantee you will find the right therapist for you, but it does guarantee a minimum level of training, supervision, and ethical accountability.

Bear in mind that the industry isn’t legally regulated in the UK, so anyone can call themselves a psychotherapist, therapist, or counsellor. If you use a directory of one of the main professional bodies, you’ll know that they have met the training requirements to practice.

Terminology and “Modalities”

Look for someone who can communicate in clear language that makes sense to you. At their core, most taking therapies are very similar. As therapists, we’re interested in patterns in relationships and emotions, what’s not working for someone, and what they would like to change.

Therapists will often put their “modality” on their website, the specific training they completed (e.g., integrative, humanistic, psychodynamic, gestalt, transactional analysis, relational). All of this “therapy speak” can be confusing and even off-putting. Ask more if you’re interested, but you don’t need to. It’s more important that something about the therapist’s approach resonates with you, even if you can’t name that clearly.

Differences in Identity and Life Experience

Identity and life experience are an important part of who we are, and these matter in therapy. If there are specifics such as age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, neurodiversity, or background that are important for you to name, tell your prospective therapist.

One of the most overlooked parts of finding a therapist is allowing yourself to name concerns about feeling misunderstood. Many people worry that raising doubts will seem rude, awkward, or inappropriate. Be as honest as you can.

If you are wondering whether you will feel understood, say so. If something about the therapist makes you hesitant, name it. Working with different identities and experiences is a core part of psychotherapy training. Exploring what these differences stir, and why they matter to you, can be deeply important work. If you feel the therapist can’t handle the conversation, they probably aren’t a great fit.

More Practicalities

Finding a therapist can be quite a practical task. Contact a few therapists rather than placing all your hope on one person. Most are self-employed and don’t work from an office with reception staff, so response times will vary. If someone is full, you may not hear back at all.

Also, think about travel time. Where can you get to for a regular weekly appointment? And if you choose to work online, will you have a confidential space at the same time each week?

Final Thoughts

Starting therapy is not about getting it right from the outset. It is about beginning a conversation, with yourself and with someone else, one you may have been postponing for a long time.

Take your time. Ask questions. Remember, you are allowed to change your mind. Notice what’s important to you, what resonates, and what doesn’t. Therapy is a journey of getting to know yourself better and more authentically, and discovering what matters to you in a therapist is part of that journey.

I offer individual and couples therapy, supporting people to explore emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, and the deeper roots of feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or disconnected.

I am a qualified psychotherapist, psychotherapeutic counsellor, and certified transactional analyst, trained at the Metanoia Institute in London. I am registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP).

My approach is collaborative, grounded, and, where helpful, straight talking. The aim is to create a space where insight leads to meaningful and lasting change.