Managing Stress? When Pushing Through Stops Working

20 Aug

TL;DR

Stress is widespread in the UK, with 51% of people naming it as a reason for therapy (BACP 2025).
Some stress can be motivating, but too much can push us outside our Window of Tolerance, leading to overwhelm or numbness.
Stress can sometimes act as a “cover” emotion, masking deeper feelings such as fear, sadness, or grief.
Therapy can help balance symptom relief with deeper exploration, creating space for both resilience and lasting change.

You might feel it as a tight chest before a difficult meeting, the restless nights when your mind cannot switch off, or the nagging sense of unease that seems to hum in the background.

Stress can creep into your day in different ways: as irritability with those around you, difficulties concentrating, or a constant pressure to keep going even when exhausted. Stress shows up in many forms, sometimes so subtly that it becomes easy to overlook.

Often, the instinct is to push these feelings aside and carry on, hoping they will ease on their own. Yet ignoring stress rarely makes it go away. Instead, it builds quietly until it begins to affect mood, sleep, relationships, and overall health.

According to the NHS, stress is the body’s reaction to feeling under pressure. It affects us in three main ways:

Physically: headaches, muscle tension, changes in appetite, or feeling run down, (the body also releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol when we feel anxious or scared).
Mentally: racing thoughts, constant worry, difficulty concentrating.
Behaviourally: withdrawing, avoiding situations, relying on unhelpful coping strategies like alcohol or overeating.

The Prevalence of Stress

Trends in UK counselling and therapy show stress remains one of the most common reasons people seek professional support.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) found in its 2025 Public Perceptions Survey that stress ranked as the second most common issue people sought therapy for, with 51% of respondents stating this was their reason to find a therapist.

There is also a trend to reduce stress through food supplements, research by Accio, an AI sourcing engine, states that since 2021, there has been an increasing online trend of people shopping for supplements to reduce cortisol.

Stress as a Cultural Badge of Honour

Stress has become culturally normalised, even spoken of with a strange kind of pride. It can be used as proof of how hard we work, how much we can endure, or how tough we are. Stress becomes a badge of honour, signalling commitment, strength, even an achievement of exceptionalism.

But beneath the surface, the cost of constantly being stressed, or falling into the “I’m fine” camp, can be significant. Living in a constant state of stress does not just wear us down physically and emotionally; it can disconnect us from the life we want to live.

Amelia Nagoski, co-author of Burnout, notes how stress is socially normalised and the negative impact of stress collectively minimised:

“We are shamed if we fall behind, and praised for keeping up, even when it harms us.”

Stress is often rewarded socially, even when it is silently taking a toll.

The Goldilocks Effect: The Window of Tolerance

Psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel introduced the concept of the Window of Tolerance, often used in the context of trauma, equally relevant for a range of negative or stressful experiences. He describes it as “a band of optimal functioning that flows between chaos on the one side and rigidity on the other.” So, some stress can be useful. It sharpens focus, motivates us to grow, and helps us adapt to challenges. But too much stress can push us outside this window, either:

Hyperarousal: panic, anger, overwhelm, racing thoughts.
Hypoarousal: numbness, exhaustion, feeling shut down.

When we spend too much time outside the window of tolerance, we stop functioning at our best and lose touch with the steadier, more grounded parts of ourselves.

Managing the Symptoms of Stress

In therapy, there is a balance to be struck between managing symptoms in the short-term and exploring the deeper roots that keep stress and anxiety alive in us. Symptom relief matters because it creates enough stability making deeper work possible. At the same time, focusing only on the surface can risk avoiding the underlying beliefs and patterns that maintain stress and our disconnection with ourselves.

Here are a few simple steps you can try when stress feels overwhelming:

Pause and notice: Take a few slow breaths and check in with yourself. Where do you feel stress in your body?
Label it gently: Try saying, “I notice I am feeling stressed,” instead of “I am stressed.” This helps create a little distance.
Reflect on alignment: Ask yourself, “What has happened that might be causing this feeling? What feels out of step in my life? What is this stress pointing me towards?”
Seek balance: Notice when stress motivates growth, and when it tips you into overwhelm.

Our Internal Barriers: How Stress Can Mask Deeper Feelings

Stress is not always just about pressure from the outside world. Sometimes it serves as a shield against what we do not want to face inside. For some, stress becomes a familiar state that buffers against deeper emotions such as fear, grief, or sadness.

Psychotherapist and writer Fanita English described how some emotions can be substituted for others; stress can act as a “cover” feeling. While stress might be uncomfortable, it can feel predictable. It is easier to live with the familiarity of stress than to risk the uncertainty of uncharted emotional territory.

This is the depth work of therapy: peeling back the layers to identify where life, behaviour, and our hopes and dreams feel misaligned, and how early patterns from childhood relationships shape our responses in adulthood. Stress can highlight not just external pressures, but also internal barriers to change.

Final Thoughts

Stress is not a weakness or a flaw. It is a signal. Sometimes it tells us about the demands of daily life, and sometimes it points to a deeper misalignment in our inner world.

The question is not whether stress exists, but what it is telling you. Is it motivating growth, or is it covering something more vulnerable? Therapy in London provides the space to explore both, helping you build resilience while also addressing the deeper patterns that keep stress in place.

FAQs

Is stress always harmful?
Not always. A manageable level of stress can motivate growth and help us adapt. The problem is when stress becomes constant, pushing us outside the Window of Tolerance and affecting well-being.
How do I know if my stress is too much?
If stress regularly disrupts your sleep, mood, relationships, or health, it may be tipping from helpful to harmful. Notice whether it motivates or leaves you feeling stuck and overwhelmed.
Can therapy really help with stress?
Yes. Therapy provides both practical tools to manage symptoms and a space to explore the deeper patterns that keep stress in place. Many people find this dual approach creates lasting change.
Is stress different from anxiety?
They are closely related, but not the same. Stress is a response to external pressures, while anxiety is often more internal, linked to worry about what might happen. Both can overlap and feed into one another.

About Me

I offer individual and couples therapy, supporting clients to explore emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, and the deeper roots of feeling stuck or disconnected.

I’m a psychotherapeutic counsellor trained in Transactional Analysis at the Metanoia Institute, and a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). My approach is collaborative and grounded in curiosity, with appropriate challenge where needed to support meaningful change.