Transaction Types and Rules of Communication

Last week, I spoke of the three ego states in Transactional Analysis (TA) therapy, the Parent, the Adult and the Child and how we communicate or transact from any one of them, and respond to any one of them.

This week, I’m elaborating on this a little more, exploring some of the theory and sharing my experience working in couples therapy. Specifically, the social and ulterior types of transaction, the rules of communication and the concept of a life script.

Types of Transactions

Let’s look at two different types of transaction, the social and the ulterior.

The social transaction is what is said with words. The Ulterior is what is meant, the subtext or the bit that can be seen as ‘reading between the lines.’ It is what is not being said, but is being communicated at a psychological level, often through body language and tone.  If you’ve ever had someone say something positive to you, but they said it in a negative tone, that is an example of an ulterior transaction. They may be feeling angry, irritated or sad, but aren’t communicating it in words. They may not even be aware that they are feeling this way, but it comes out in the ulterior.

The Rules Relating to the PAC Model

So, how do both the social and ulterior transactions show up in an everyday conversation? A standard discussion from Adult to Adult, as displayed below, is a simple exchange of information. These can go on indefinitely, which is the first rule of communication.

PAC model showing an Adult-Adult transaction

In an ulterior communication, there may be more than someone wanting the other to pick up milk. There may be a history of who keeps using the milk and who typically buys the milk, which can be causing relationship friction. But it’s not about the milk. The friction may, itself, be symbolic of other conflicts and there may be unconscious communication as well as the social transaction. The ulterior communication may look like this:

PAC model showing an ulterior transaction

In this example, the ulterior communication has crossed the transaction, meaning that the once clear communication will be disrupted and taken in another direction (the second rule of communication).

The outcome of the communication, with be determined by ulterior transactions, which are communicated at the psychological level (the third rule of communication). In Transactional Analysis therapy, the third rule of communication is the most important one. When it leads to an argument, it is important to look past the content and to help a couple understand what the psychological process is underneath and what it represents (often not in conscious awareness). The content of the conversation is ‘we’ve run out of milk.’ The psychological process and argument that may follow, based on the third rule might be ‘I feel alone and unappreciated.’

What is An Ulterior?

So, now, I want to introduce you in a bit more depth to what an ulterior is, and how I feel it relates to relationship counselling.

Known in common language as an ‘ulterior motive’, in my work I will often focus on discovering what these messages are as they emerge in session between couples; tone and body language often give a good indication that couples are communicating through ulterior transactions. Identifying these is easier said than done, as is discovering their true meaning and significance. This involves using Transactional Analysis therapy to deepen the work and peel back the layers covering unconscious processes. It can be scary and challenging at times, and hard for couples to link it to the conflict that they are having with the fears and needs hidden underneath the words. It can take a long time to emerge, potentially years, and has a direct impact on how those who attend therapy relate to themselves and how they relate as couple.

In my own experience, there are many layers to these ulteriors, built up on patterns of relating formed early in life. These patterns form part of our scripts, or psychological blueprint, a driving force of how we think, feel, behave and relate to others, and determining when we act or react from Parent, Adult or Child.

Defining Script

In my experience, working as a relationship counsellor London, the theoretic models of Transactional Analysis therapy provide an accessible blueprint for deep work, and can have a profound impact on how couples benefit from the work.

The theory of script in TA therapy is an article to itself, so I will give it a brief introduction here: A script refers to a set of beliefs, decisions and patterns developed in early childhood; often subsequent experiences and decisions reinforce this early blueprint of how individuals experience the world and relate to themselves and other. In couples work, part of my role is to identify how two scripts are impacting each other, both positively and negatively. Scripts determine which roles we are more likely to take, and which ego state each member of a couple is more likely to transact from, especially when under stress. Scripts have a defensive function, they keep us safe emotionally, they also prevent deeper emotional connection.

For example, one person in a couple may typically take on the role of the Parent while the other takes on the role of Child. This does not deepen intimacy, and conflicts can emerge through ulteriors when the lack of emotional closeness builds and there is a kick against these roles. It is often the case that during times of stress, scripts interlock, and negative patterns are enforced, causing conflict. My role as the therapist is about breaking those systems and looking at how the scripts can un-lock, leading to resolution, rather than the couple being caught in a negative feedback loop.

Next week, I will be talking more in depth about the role of scripts in transactional analysis therapy.

FAQs

What are the ego states in Transactional Analysis therapy?
The ego states in transactional analysis therapy are Parent, Adult, and Child. Each represents a different way of thinking, feeling and behaving. The Parent state focuses on rules and values that have been learned from others. The Adult ego state focuses on the present reality, the “here and now”. The Child state reflects emotional responses and is linked to early experiences. People move between these states in interactions, and in couples’ therapy.

What is a 'transaction' in communication?
A transaction is a unit of communication where one person speaks or acts from one ego state, and the other responds from an ego state of their own. For example, if two people communicate in marriage counselling from their Adult states, it’s a straightforward, rational exchange of information.

What is the difference between a social and an ulterior transaction?
A social transaction is what’s said out loud using words, the surface-level, verbal message. An ulterior transaction is based on a hidden message, which can come out in relationship counselling via tone or body language. It is the subtext rather that the content; it communicates what we are experiencing at a psychological or subconscious level. It is commonly seen in relationship counselling.

What occurs when a transaction becomes crossed?
A transaction is 'crossed' when the response comes from a different ego state than expected, leading to a disruption in communication. For example, if someone speaks from their Adult ego state to another’s Adult, but receives a response from the other’s Parent ego state, the conversation can quickly go off track.

Are ulterior transactions important in couples therapy?
Ulterior transactions often determine the real outcome of a conversation, especially when there are underlying tensions or unresolved emotions in couples therapy. While one person might be speaking about something simple, like buying milk, the psychological message underneath could reflect deeper dynamics in the relationship

Alex is a qualified Transactional Analysis psychotherapeutic counsellor who works with individuals and offers couples relationship counselling to explore emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, and the deeper roots of current struggles. He trained at the Metanoia Institute and is a registered member of BACP.

References

Berne, E. (1961) Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy. New York, Grove Press.

Parkin, F. (2014). Breaking the Circuit: The Power of Empathy and Understanding Interlocking Racket Systems in Deepening Work With Couples. Transactional Analysis Journal, 44(3), 208-217.