What to expect from couples therapy
Reconnecting Through Understanding Difference
At our core, humans are relational. We yearn for closeness, belonging and to be deeply known. In romantic partnerships, this yearning can show up the most potently: we hope to be seen and feel safe and understood by the person who matters most to us.
However, over time even the strongest of couples may find themselves being pulled into repetitive patterns. That can look like recurring arguments, emotionally withdrawing, a growing void or an underlying and persistent feeling that there is something important that is being left on the back burner; the connection that was once seemingly natural can begin to erode, feel fragile or just uncertain.
When looking online for couples therapy near me, you may be looking for a space to break away from this cycle, feel safe and attempt to take a clearer look at what is going on.
The Role of Therapy in a Relationship
Couples therapy enables couples to shift from reacting to reflecting, without focusing on keeping score, blame, or aiming to win a disagreement. In couples therapy the relationship is in therapy rather than the individuals. Relationship counselling will allow you to undertake a shared exploration of your relationship. You may be assessing how you communicate, or how you emotionally protect yourself, as well as searching and uncovering deeper needs and fears, which may be just underneath the surface of the conflict.
In her article, Breaking the Circuit, Fran Parkin discusses how couples often become locked in reactive loops, each partner triggering the other in ways that reinforce disconnection. Therapy can assist in interrupting these patterns by slowing down this process. That way, both people can make sense of what is really going on and can aim to find new ways to respond.
Exploring Differences
A vital step in this process is learning to acknowledge and accept differences. Couples may arrive in therapy, strongly believing that their partner doesn’t see the world through the same lens that they do and that if they could, things in their partnership would improve. Differences in communication style, sexual needs, emotional expression and cultural background, to name a few, are part of the mix affecting every relationship. The work that is undertaken in therapy isn’t trying to remove these differences, but to help couples learn to relate to them with less fear and more compassion and connection.
Delicate Discussions
When in couples therapy, it can become possible to look into areas that have felt too risky or difficult to discuss. These may be topics like resentment, intimacy concerns, the impact of past traumatic experiences, unmet needs, or seemingly irreconcilable differences. For many this can feel exposing and scary. The aim of the therapy is to gently peel back these layers, which can lead to a stronger sense of understanding and safety. Naming what has been nameless can lead to deeper understanding of each other and more emotional connection.
The Space
Couples therapy is not about fixing each other. A simple therapy room London is a space where two people can begin to understand themselves, and their partner better; to bridge the space between them and move from conflict to greater connection.
Alex is a qualified Transactional Analysis psychotherapeutic counsellor who works with individuals and offers couples relationship counselling to explore emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, and the deeper roots of current struggles. He trained at the Metanoia Institute and is a registered member of BACP.
References
Parkin, F. (2014). Breaking the Circuit: The Power of Empathy and Understanding Interlocking Racket Systems in Deepening Work With Couples. Transactional Analysis Journal, 44(3), 208-217. https://doi.org/10.1177/0362153714550983